The Bookface Experience
by Nutella Nut
Summary: Bella is convinced (more like forced) by Alice to create a Facebook page, but things don't always go as smoothly as they should... "Horror spread across my face, shock filled my veins and loud man(ish) moans emanated from my speakers. Oh my god. It wasn't just any porn site, it was a gay porn site!"


**A/N **

**Hello, so not much to say... This is a story that is about Bella who is beyond her years, so social media is something she really just does not understand, but Alice will not except that. Bella soon learns the horrors of trying to create such a thing, Facebook, she calls it Bookface though...silly Bella. I hope you enjoy this short story, and believe it or not it is a true story something that happened to me..yeah.. ok well, ENJOY.**

**The Bookface Experience**

I never understood the idea of social media, the loud annoying pinging of alerts, the upkeep of checking and changing of statuses, and not to mention the gossip that came along with it.

Twater, Bookface, and Bumblr, where all subjects in which I was a lost cause in . My mind went blank whenever those particular topics came to light. Social media does more harm than any amount of good combined, I have never seen so many cat-fights start over the whole, "he said, she said" crap. My Lordy, I can recall I time in particular when a horrible fight took place in front of me, due to Twater, which ended with Luna Swindler, a normally shy, quiet, and loveable girl from school, learning that her mother not only had cheated on her father, but was fucking her boyfriend. Like I said, crazy shit. I've never seen a woman back-hand another woman so fast that it left her baffled and st-st-stuttering, for weeks, poor Mrs. Swindler.

I tried my damnedest to keep myself free from the shackles of Hell ( commonly known as modern communication), and tired not to allow myself to enter the world filled with Internet-Zombies (as if vampires weren't enough). Try as I may, there was still one Pixie who refused to allow me to enjoy the peace of not having such annoying complications and nosey new "friends". I could have gone my entire life, and probably my entire _after life_ not knowing the horrors in trying to just _create _a damned Bookface. It all started last summer, hardly a week into my vacation…

"_But Bella," her pitchy voice moaned, "Everyone has one, even your own mother. I mean, it's not a huge deal, you don't have to be "friends" with anyone you don't know, and it's any easy way to keep in touch with your friends from Arizona. Wouldn't that just be wonderful?" I stared at her in disbelief, was she nuts? (And not in the goodiness of Nutella way)She was clearly out of her spiky hair mind if she thought in any way I was on board with this horrible idea._

"_Listen, Alice, and read my lips, I refuse to have anything to do with Bookfa,-" she interrupted me with a mumbled __Facebook__ ,"Whatever it's called. It's nothing more than another way to fuck someone over fifty ways to Sunday, and not only that it's just... Why give Lauren and Jessica another way to check up on me? I mean by the way they act you would think they would be invading my closet and sniffing my panties." By the way her face was pinched into an unforgivable scold I knew she wasn't going to let it go._

_After two more heated debates one in which ended with my fist connecting to wall due to frustration, causing Emmett to be thrown into a fits of giggles to the point that the football Jasper tossed at him caught him off guard and the ball was thrown as such speed it made Emmett stumble, then and only then did she finally drop it and I was on my way home. I've never been so relived to be confined in my own room. The whole idea of Bookface was stupid. The fight between Alice and I was stupid. The very Idea of exploiting myself seemed stupid. Why couldn't she just have left it alone..stupid. Brilliant I reduced myself to using the same adjective for everything, how stupid._

_ However my curiosity was peeked, I was in full Nancy Drew mood, I wanted to know what made everyone so addicted to wanting to share the last time they took a piss to the rest of the world. Being the stubborn person I am and not wanting to give in to that Demonic Pixie I held a glare to my computer for a full 20 minutes before I decided to scurry my way across the room head held high and get this whole thing over with. Ludicrous. Why was I even entertaining the idea of this? I blamed the Midget._

_My fingers danced across the keyboard without applying any pressure. Finally my reasoning side decided to make her presence known. Drumming my index finger on the space-bar brought the computer to life with a wheezing noise. I typed in Bookface into Google, and of course it auto-corrected me, "Facebook" it italiced me. Who knew so many hits would come up? Find this, sign up here, add to favorites, poke her. Why in the world would I want to "poke" someone? That seems a little rude if you ask me, and I sure as hell wouldn't want someone trying in poke me!_

_The more I thought about it the more it didn't make sense! I didn't have many friends in Arizona in the fist place, and the ones I did have haven't spoke to me since I moved, why would having a site to bare my soul, change that? I don't have any other friends besides Angela and the Cullen's and I see them everyday! What would I even post about, "Had a fun day! Went out swimming with the Cullen family, Rosalie ignored me, Edward tired to pet me and succeed in NOT eating me, YAY, someone should give him a cookie, or at least a vampire version, maybe a tasty little fox. Emmett caught a 250 pound Brown Bear, and decided to keep him. Yup just another day with the Cullen's" Yeah I'm sure Angela, the only other person I would add, would find that hi-lar-ious. Hardy-fucking-har._

_Staring at he screen, again, I let a sigh of defeat come over me, maybe just signing up and not doing anything will get Alice to release her hold off my leg and quit humping it. Or something like that, right? Looking around the screen I found the little blue sign that said, "sign up" clicking it on I began the process. Name check, email check, password...hmm..Pixiebitch..check._

_Surfing around I noticed a lot of advertisement; buy this, try that, the latest in fashion, this is almost as bad as shopping. No wondering Alice wanted me to sign up, secretly putting fashion sense into my subconscious. Evil, sneaky but evil. I did, however, find a pair of the cutest cowboy boots and hats. "SHRC" I read, what an odd name, clinking on to the link realization kicked in. Not only was this NOT a store that did not sale cowboy hates and boots, but it was a porn site! SHRC, (Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy) Horror spread across my face, shock filled my veins and loud man(ish) moans emanated from my speakers. Oh my god. It wasn't just any porn site, it was a _gay porn site!_ Nothing against gay's personally but I rather not watch a large dark man with arm muscles the size of both my legs, wrap his meatish fingers across another man's wanker. _

_The moans grew louder with each passing second, my brain finally catching up with the rest me I panicked, I looked for an off button, the little "X" in the corner, even the damn plug to the computer; anything, anything to stop the nightmare. But as my luck would have it just as I was about to pull the plug to the entire computer, Charlie walks in, wondering what all the racket was about. Looking at me, than the computer, back at me, and once again the computer, the most incredible thing happened tomatoes must have suddenly Combusted across his face, because I have never seen Charlies cheeks go that red. And as somebody once said "Timing is everything," the loud grunts came to a stop, only for the camera man to do a close up shot of the large dark man closing his eyes and opening his mouth to receive his reward for all his hard work._

_Modification, which wasn't even close to the right word, spread through me and engulf my entire being in a second. Charlies mouth moved, open, close, repeat. No sound ever made its presence. Turning on his heel, Charlie left without a word, closing the door behind him._

Charlie couldn't look at me in the eyes for a week, and after ten days, I was able to look at him, and finally explain to him what had really happen, and of course I did it with all the grace I had, which is none. But it wasn't for another week he could fully look at me without suddenly bursting into a fit of hysterical of giggles.

Alice conveniently made herself unavailable for a few weeks after the "incident" which was a good thing for her, I wouldn't be held accountable for my actions. I was pissed off to the point where I had planned to chop the retaining amount of her hair, she must have finally believed me because I held a pair of scissors in my hands and stormed my way to the Cullen's place, that was when she decided to take her extended vacation. I thank god Emmett was not there when I arrived with my plans for Alice. But Later that week I did receive a package from an unknown person which contained a riding crop, saddle, cowboy boots and a hat to go with, not to mention the anal inserted tail. Emmett swears it wasn't him, and I believed him, I do have reason to believe it was Jasper by the way he kept glancing and snickering at me.

Alice never brought up social media to me again, although she has been dropping hints about something Grams of the Insta, I believe it's called whatever the hell that is, and I can honestly say I'm terrified, New Borns be damned.

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**-Nutella Nut**


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